brain fog

you ever punch aimlessly into the mist until you get so exhausted that you lose your grasp on reality?

yeah me too.

I drew this lil picture last night while in the thick of it. Been doing a lot of automatic drawings lately whenever I'm moody.

I tend to fall into brain fog for the last half of my menstrual cycle each month. Sometimes I realize I've fallen into it and sometimes I don't. It's worse when I don't. But either way tends to be pretty miserable.

I think whoever came up with the actual term "brain fog" nailed it. For me it manifests physically just like that. I'm moving slowly through a haze. My vision is worse. My head hurts. I'm fatigued as fuck. My ability to make choices becomes the equivalent of a room full of doors with big question marks on them.

Emotionally, I tend to get irritated and angry faster. I take everything more personally. I struggle to follow social cues and both want to be left completely alone, and want to be checked in on.

After enough times in the ring with this shit, I'm getting better at recognizing it when it shows up again. But my instinct is to try and fight and fix it.

Which looks like:

It's like I get this false idea in my head that out there, there exists some sort of system that can put an end to the pain of everyday life. And I know deep down that isn't true. But there are so many folks trying to sell systems that pretend to do that. And I click. click. click.

Even so, maybe it is another kind of system to try to accept the pain as it is. Maybe I have to let go of even trying to accept it. Maybe it's more like going, "Ow."

Okay but there are some things that help.